waiting...

At first I loved this song. I listened to it over and over and memorized the words and sang it throughout the day under my breath. But then I started thinking about the words. We’re waiting here for you. I pictured myself standing in this desert of white emptiness waiting for god to show up, that didn’t seem to fit where my heart was…but still this song seemed like it was meant for me to hear. Then I asked god about it and he gave me glorious insight about where he has me. I’m not waiting in a blank room for him to appear for a few minutes when he’s free. He is holding my hand every step of the way, and getting to this place of waiting, for me, means that I’m no longer trying to drag god where I want to go. I’m waiting for him to lead me. With my hands lifted high in praise. What a glorious god we serve! Patiently waiting for us to release the reins of our lives and follow his lead. How gracious is he?! He has the blueprints, he’s seen the ending, he even wrote the script. Yet he doesn’t force us to follow it, he romances us into a place where we desire to follow him. Anywhere.
This year is a big one for me transition wise. Over the summer the lord did so much in my heart, I can’t begin to describe it, but I’m so thankful for every bit of it. Getting back to auburn has been a bit of an adjustment because of that though. For most of my college experience I’ve been involved in the same ministry. Through ups and downs, I’ve met some amazing people and learned a lot about the lord, but this summer he made it pretty clear to me that he wanted me to go somewhere else. That being said, along with all the other transitions for this fall, my ‘home away from home’ was not an option for me anymore. Scary stuff, right?
So I’ve been workin. And schoolin. And not sleepin. And I am TIRED. So when Thursday night rolled around and I was staring a one class Friday in the face, taking a Benadryl and being dead to the world for 24 hours sounded pretty spectacular. Getting myself together and going to a new ministry where I knew exactly two people…did not. The lover of my soul, however, had other plans. So when 8 pm rolled around, I was walking in to this ministry, nervous as all get out, feeling like a freshman in the wrong class. And that’s where the awkward ended. Corny though it may be, the way I described it to my mom was through a scene from oliver and company. Don’t hate. You know you cried too. When oliver is left in the box and its all wet and he’s sad…that’s where satan had been trying to drag me. Into isolation through a busy schedule and a sleepy body. And walking into that room was like when he gets a collar with his name on it. I felt so welcomed and loved and like I was exactly where I was supposed to be. Worshipping in the middle of a room packed with other college students pursuing the same god was incomparable. Listening as truth was spoken over us and being challenged to live that truth was refreshing. Meeting other believers and beginning friendships was beautiful. I just loved every minute of it.
When I woke up today, I still had the same struggles, and I still had to choose to live joyfully in the truth that my jesus promises me, but every day it becomes a little bit more natural.
Lord thank you for romancing me endlessly. Thank you for choosing my path and guiding me into places where your spirit can so easily be seen in your followers. Thank you for the little encouragements you send my way daily. Thank you for not giving up on me. I love you.